Changes

A lot of our suffering is resistance to the life of feeling. If you surrender, you are surrendering to what is really going on. This is just to notice that nothing beyond your life is more important than your life. -- John Tarrant

My husband lost his job on Monday. Changes, indeed!

The layoff was totally unexpected, and when he called me mid-day, I spent the rest of the day pretty much hyperventilating and having a panic attack. Fortunately I got myself together, remembered some acupressure points for stress which one could do while hiding in the work bathroom, and nobody at work had any idea anything was going on with me (so they told me on Tuesday when I told them our news). We've been through this before, when he was laid off in August 2001, and would then be out of work for 18 months. Things were very hard during that time, but somehow it all came together. So I know we can do it.

We're actually in a much better financial position than we were then (although still not comfortable enough to go down to a one paycheck family). I sat with it a lot, thinking about why I panicked so much, and how I could go forward with my thinking on this. Okay, worst case scenario would be that we starve to death, living on the street. Will that happen? Of course not. We have family and friends who can help if we needed it, and I don't even anticipate needing to call on those favors for quite some time. He's got 2 months of severance pay coming, plus some unused vacation paid out, and then his unemployment insurance should pay his share of our common living expenses. We've needed to cut back on things like eating out, so now we've got some incentive to do so, that's all. The more I pay my own credit card bills with my own saved money (from cutting back), the lower they get and the lower the minimum payment will be, if I have to resort to paying only minimums to get by.

I think part of what panicked me initially was the fact that in 3 weeks I'm flying to Minnesota and Wisconsin for another HK class, followed by a mentoring retreat with an old, dear friend. This trip is going to cost me a small fortune, and I didn't really have it to begin with, but I decided it was an investment in me and worth doing. So now I'm feeling a little (okay, a lot) less sure about that decision and spending the money. But the plane ticket is nonrefundable anyway, and I figured okay, let's just do it. I had planned on going back to Minnesota several times in the next year for continuing classes. I think I had posted about that, and how I was willing to go into debt for it because it would be working towards a career change.

So now I don't now what will happen with that, giving the layoff, but I don't have to make that decision right now. And if I decide to go back in November/December (as originally planned) for the next class, it doesn't mean I have to commit to going back in January/February or so for the next one. One day at a time, as they say. After all, he could find an amazing job next week. Who really knows what the Universe has in store for us.

Of course, I've got a MegaMillions ticket burning a hole in my pocket (up to $325 million now) for a drawing tonight - winning that would be good too. :)

I'm almost a little surprised at how quickly I made peace with this. He seems to have too. We're not going to panic (anymore) and will see where this takes us. The good news is that he's no longer working at a job that had a stress level that was detrimental to him (in my opinion). He's got time to breathe and regroup. It'll all be as it's supposed to be.

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well. – Dame Julian of Norwich

Comments

[Kristina]

Ohhhhh boy.I did not see this one coming and Im so sorry!I am here to support you however I can...both of you.And did you know that the song All will be well goes through my head in times like this, too? Another bond.

[Crabby McSlacker]

While layoffs are really scary, it sounds like you have lots of resources and support. Its great that you were able to put aside the panic and think rationally about concrete things you can do, instead of getting caught up in useless worrying.Good luck on the lotto, but more likely, good luck on it being a quick transition to a new job for your husband! They keep saying the economys in the process of turning around... fingers crossed.

[Kristina]

Okay, I must have a new blog post from you soon, because Im in withdrawals. You dont want me getting the shakes, do you? ;-)